Feeling funny!

 There's a switch inside my head.

This switch always puts me back into my default state no matter the conditions I'm in.

I could be happy, sad, scared, drunk, or having fun but one flip of the switch and *click* away goes any sort of emotion I was previously experiencing.

Maybe it's just a survival instinct.

Maybe it's a curse.

I don't know what it is.

What I do know is that default state.

The state in which I no longer feel anything, I stare past anything and calmly take in the absurdity of universe and reality and start to pointlessly drift in the space, only to snap out of it some time later and start feeling again.

Maybe it's something like an autopilot mode.

There's something very calming yet malicious in it that I maybe could feel something towards if I could feel at all.

But deep inside, I've always taken comfort in it.

Knowing that I'll never lose myself and know who and what I am.

Still, it comes at a price.

I haven't been able to appreciate anything in life outside of my imagination.

You know life is full of checkpoints and milestones.

You're supposed to experience an overwhelming amount of a certain feeling when you hit these milestones.

I always imagine I do, but it never happens.

No matter how important of achievement, the switch always flips before I could get to feel... anything at all.

Maybe someone's in my head, fucking with that switch.

Maybe that someone is me.

But now, something's changing in me.

I have a tingling sensation inside my head, like small sparkles inside a rusty old machine that hasn't been operated for centuries.

I don't know what's causing the sparkles, or maybe I know and just want to ignore it.

I know, it's her.

I've been alive for a long time.

I've learned how to look past people and use canned responses with simulated emotions, convincing enough to have what you'd consider normal "human interactions" with those people.

Just seeing their silhouettes is enough to avoid collision with them.

That's what they've always been to me: obstacles, spread in the space.

I've always zoomed past them in my default mode.

Why wouldn't I anyway?

That's the whole point of drifting in the space, isn't it?

But something's different about her.

She's not just a piece of rock floating in space.

I can sense some gravity around her.

Somethings changing inside me.

Maybe it's my trajectory.

I feel like I'm falling towards her.

The speed is only increasing and I'm feeling funny.

What if I can finally stop using that switch?

Maybe I can finally feel something real?

Even if it's just the unimaginable force of a black hole that's going to crush me or the heat of a star that'll vaporize me while Hotel California plays in the background.

I don't know where this light is coming from.

I'm partially blinded.

But is that is?

My final destination is to go through more pain and suffering than I could ever imagine?

But why should I even suffer this pain?

Is it not just better to flip the switch and shut down all the potentially terrifying feelings?

But what if... this is my only chance to feel anything at all, even if it's only pain?

Someone's fucking with that switch again...